Savage Lovecast



Dan Savage, America's only advice columnist, answers your sex questions and yaps about politics. To record a question for Dan to be answered in a later podcast, call 206-201-2720. For a much longer version of the show, with no ads, visit and get yourself a season subscription.


  • Sex & Politics #29: Micro version

    20/04/2024 Duração: 23min

    For this very special April 20th episode of Sex & Politics, Dan speaks with Republican apostate and charming podcaster Tim Miller, about the importance of voting blue (for you know who) this coming November. A second Trump presidency would just be too harsh of a toke. This is the first third of the interview. To hear the "sex " part of "Sex & Politics" in which they discuss some trouble involving a "pristine dick," subscribe to the Magnum version of the Lovecast, at Savage.Love.

  • Savage Lovecast Episode 912

    16/04/2024 Duração: 52min

    A woman moved into a new house and promptly slept with her roommate. It was great sex and the caller wants a repeat. He claims he wants more as well, but then never actually takes her up on it. One night she asked if he wanted it, and he chose to play video games for 14 hours instead. So.  A veteran of the polyamorous lifestyle would like to push back on the idea that you can sleep with people and avoid catching feelings. It's just not a realistic rule, says this pragmatic lady. What do you think? On the Magnum, Dan chats with Alexandra Petri- humor columnist for the Washington Post. They talk about comedy writing in these dark times, and Alexandra helps answer a question about horny fantasy titles creeping into a woman's bookclub.  A woman is enjoying a friends-with-benefits situation with a man in an open marriage. She's beginning to fall in love with him in fact. But he and his wife are trying to get pregnant, and he has made it clear that the instant they see that pink line, he must swi

  • Savage Lovecast Episode 911

    09/04/2024 Duração: 50min

    A woman's boyfriend wants her to play with his ass. But she doesn't know where to begin. Fingers? Tongue? What should she do down there?  A woman keeps getting harassed by men in cars jacking it and watching her creepily. What can she do in these unpleasant moments? On the Magnum Dan chats with journalist Ben Ryan about the effects of PrEP in gay sex culture. As DAN PREDICTED, with the rise of PrEP use, HIV infections plummeted, but other STIs are on the rise. Are condoms dead? Not so fast.  Finally, a lesbian couple are planning to have children. First one will carry the baby, then it will be the other one's turn for the second child. The mother of the woman who will carry the first baby blurted out that she was excited to be the bio grandmother. The non-bio mom-to-be was offended, and doesn't know how to let it go. When they have their second child will the grandmother love the child as much?  [email protected]     206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a websit

  • Savage Lovecast Episode 910

    02/04/2024 Duração: 49min

    A gay man keeps sleeping with non-monogamous, married men, who are ultimately emotionally unavailable. But the sex is great! Why isn't he attracted to single men, hmmmm?  Parenting challenge ahoy! A couple with a blended family are getting along well, except for one thing. The mom's 15 year-old daughter loses her mind when she hears them having sex. She bangs on the wall, and makes retching noises when they kiss or otherwise show affection. How can they (respectfully) shut this behavior down?  On the Magnum, you'll delight in this conversation with Dr. Eric Sprankle, author of the new book, "DIY: The Wonderfully Weird History and Science of Masturbation." Why are so many religions hung up on self-pleasure? Is semen retention good or bad for you? And those cute little fetuses you see on anti-abortion billboards? They're totally spanking it.  And, hear the tale of Willy and Wendy. One wild evening, a woman and her boyfriend had their pal "Willy" over. They did some MDMA, and tumbled into bed together. Then, the

  • Sex & Politics #28: Micro Version

    28/03/2024 Duração: 20min

    For this episode of Sex & Politics, Dan speaks with Rob Henderson, author of "Troubled: A Memoir of Foster Care, Family, and Social Class." Rob's heart-breaking memoir goes into his wrenching childhood, and also his concept of "luxury beliefs," - sanctimonious ideas that the upper classes advocate for, but usually don't follow themselves, and ultimately hurt the poor and working class. Henderson includes non-monogamy as a luxury belief, and as you can imagine, Dan ain't havin' it.  This is a 20 minute taste of Sex & Politics. The Magnum version of this conversation goes on for over an hour- and that's where Dan and Rob go toe-to-toe over traditional vs. open relationships. To hear the rest of the interview, subscribe to the Magnum at Savage.Love. Hear their polite argument, and tell us what you think in the comments!

  • Savage Lovecast Episode 909

    26/03/2024 Duração: 50min

    So, is he gay? The evidence: He likes sucking wieners, anal play, and he has a sex machine that he uses on his butt. Also, he is showing less and less interest in having sex with the caller, and when she asks him about it he responds "Is sex all you care about?"  An anxious cougar is suspicious of the young men who hit on her. Why would they want to be with someone twice their age? She knows she should count her blessings, and her friends all roll their eyes at her discomfort. How can she get out of her head about this and enjoy the youthful dick already?  Our guest this week is Rhaina Cohen, author of "The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center." She and Dan talk about the state of friendship in our culture, how friendship takes a backseat to romantic love, and how we put way too much pressure on our partners to be our everything. A little is on the Micro and all of it is on the Magnum.  "Good girl." That's what he tells her when they're doing a scene. But it's also what she

  • Savage Lovecast Episode 908

    19/03/2024 Duração: 53min

    You guys! We are in crisis! There are just not enough hot young women! DO. THE. MATH. A woman is dating a trans woman. Her girlfriend recently got bottom surgery, and wants to try being penetrated with an actual penis, as opposed to a toy. Should the caller allow for an open relationship to accommodate this? Strap in folks, we're unveiling a new extra spicy segment of the show called "What Are you Doing?" Dan reaches out to folks who are doing amazing things in the world of sex, and asks them to please explain. In this first one, Dan interviews adult entertainer Rob Wilde, to explain his kink for saline infusions. Did you know that you could stick a needle in your balls and blow them up to the size of basketballs...for a day? You can! Learn all about it.  And, a woman and her boyfriend are getting creative with medical byproducts. You'll have to listen in to hear how.  [email protected] 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Sq

  • Savage Lovecast Episode 907

    12/03/2024 Duração: 47min

    "Ewww! Blood!" That's what her boyfriend says whenever she even mentions her menstrual cycle. Should she try to educate him as to why this is immature and offensive to a lady with lady parts?  Dan has a conversation with a man whose wife is unilaterally opening their relationship. Can their marriage withstand his wife getting a tattoo from her new lover?  On the Magnum, Dan talks to fellow term-coiner Lara Starr, who came up with the name "Sister Ex" to describe the powerful relationship that can emerge when two (or more) ex-girlfriends share notes. And, somewhere, deep in the Deep South, a couple just set up their new hot tub. But they are worried that if they invite friends over to join them it will appear to be a big, sexy swingers move. How can they avoid misunderstandings? [email protected] 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Dipsea: an app full of hundreds of short, sexy audio stories designed by women for women. Get an extended 30 day free trial when you go to  Get a

  • Savage Lovecast Episode 906

    05/03/2024 Duração: 44min

    A 27 year-old divorced woman goes to bars and picks up both men and women. She prefers them to be at least 10 years older because (as everyone knows,) they are better in bed. How can she find people in this age range, and keep their attention? A young, gay hottie hasn't had sex in 2 years because he wants more of a connection than casual hook-ups. But when he does connect, he loses interest quickly. How can he get over his analysis paralysis? Our guest this week is Molly Roden Winter, author of MORE: A Memoir of Open Marriage. She and Dan talk about how our society loses its mind at the thought of women (and especially mothers) exercising sexual autonomy. They talk about the challenges and benefits of polyamory and how to overcome jealousy. A little is on the Micro and the whole thing is on the Magnum. A woman with some kind of special sauce keeps making all the men fall in love with her! She clearly states from the very first date that she isn't looking for commitment. But they cling and they cling. What is

  • Savage Lovecast Episode 905

    27/02/2024 Duração: 56min

    A woman's 60 year-old dad has taken in a much younger woman of dubious repute. She is a massage therapist, and has been cleaning her father's house. Her father claims that taking her in is just the Christian thing to do. The caller worries her father is being taken advantage of- she and her brother don't like it one little bit. Should she refuse to see her father under he kicks the girl out?  A man has discovered his love for kink later in life. Now he's dating and scaring women away when he says he's a dom on OK Cupid. But he wants to be honest, and the kink sites are too over the top for him. How can he hit the jackpot? On the Magnum, comedian Hope Woodard explains her "Boysober" concept and endeavor. No boys for Hope! She explains why she is choosing to remain boysober for a year, how it's different from celibacy, and how dang hard it is!  And, a caller wants to get in on the sexual neologism racket. Will Dan Savage approve of his new portmanteau?  Spoiler: Nope!  [email protected]            206-302-2064 T

  • Savage Lovecast Episode 904

    20/02/2024 Duração: 54min

    Why is it always men that are into foot fetishes?  And speaking of feet, a woman has a pair of fetish shoes that no longer fit. She wants to make sure they go to a loving home, but how?  Our guest this week is Peter McGraw, author of "Solo: Building a Remarkable Life of your Own." In this antidote to Valentine's Day, Dan and Peter talk about how and why more people are choosing to be single these days. We should perhaps give up on the outdated idea that happiness must be bundled with monogamous long term partnership. This is a great conversation- some of it is on the Micro, and all of it is on the Magnum.  And, ever since they had their baby, a man and his wife only have sex in the shower. It's become so routine, he's beginning to dread sex. How can he get his wife to agree to something new? [email protected]         206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Dipsea: an app full of hundreds of short, sexy audio stories designed by women for women. Get an extended 30 day free trial when you go to dipseastori

  • Savage Lovecast Episode 903

    13/02/2024 Duração: 59min

    A hearty Valentine's Day to all of you freaky, perverted, lovelorn wretches. We begin the show with a humdinger of a call from a man whose wedding night is shaping up to be very special indeed.  A married woman shares a phone with her husband. She notices that the ads served on his Instagram feed are very different from what she sees. He sees AI generated, photo-shopped sex vixens. She's treated to arts & crafts blogs. Is Insta pushing sexual images based on his basic demographic? (Straight dude.) Or does the Algorithm know more about her husband than she does? Dan calls up a social media expert for this one.  On the Magnum, we welcome back intimacy expert Rena Martine to help a caller in her mid 30s who has never had penetrative sex before. Why is she avoiding it? How can she tell future lovers about her mindset, grow into a full sexual life?  And, a bi man has started focusing on men over women. But his dick hasn't gotten the memo. How can he learn to keep his erection for the men he's so attracted to?  Q@

  • Savage Lovecast Episode 902

    06/02/2024 Duração: 54min

    We are still shocked that Ezra Klein (of the NYT and the Ezra Klein Show) agreed to come on our smutty little podcast. They talked about Ezra's time as a monogamous straight man embedded in San Fransisco's polyamorous culture. They compared the current NYC hipster version of the poly scene vs San Fransisco's meld of tech bros and hippies. And they talk about how the nuclear family is failing as a functional support system. Some of this great convo is on the Micro, and the whole thing is on the Magnum.  Also on this week's show, when a man and his boyfriend go to the gym in their conservative town, he notices that they both "butch up" and quit acting like a couple. How can they learn to act naturally in scary straight spaces?  A woman just had a baby 4 months ago. Her husband went to a bachelor party and got a lap dance. They are just starting to have sex again, but she feels insecure, and has started to eroticize her jealousy in a way that feels unhealthy to her. Complicated! [email protected]. 206-302-2064 This

  • Savage Lovecast Episode 901

    30/01/2024 Duração: 52min

    "Enough with the poly! " Or so says this gay man, who is sick of being disrespected by his boyfriend catting around, acting like a no-good cad and using polyamory as a shield.  Meanwhile, can't a homo in the rural West have nice, no-strings-attached hook-ups anymore? All the men he meets want to get married or something.  On the Magnum, Dan brings on comedian Dulcé Sloan from The Daily Show to talk about the perils of dating menfolk. Apparently, it's dangerous out there.  And, a woman's boyfriend used to drink too much and drive drunk. She put the hammer down, and he cut way back on drinking claiming he never gets behind the wheel when he's had a few. But she knows he still drinks with his buddies and lies about how much. She likes a drink now and again. Is she being hypocritical and controlling? Or is his consumption creeping back up to dangerous and out of control?  [email protected]      206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Dipsea: an app full of hundreds of short, sexy audio stories designed by wo

  • Savage Lovecast Episode 900

    23/01/2024 Duração: 55min

    A man's wife had to quit drinking due to a medical condition. They used to get tipsy and have wild sex. Now that she can't drink the sex has become rote and inhibited. They plan to go on vacation together, but the caller feels that if they can't have their free-wheeling sex, he doesn't want go on vacation at all.  Don't you want to hear Dan's conversation with an adult baby/diaper lover? Yes, yes you do.  On the Magnum, a gay man is looking for the most penis-like sex toy he can find that doesn't leak toxic, hormone-disrupting chemicals. Dan brings on our resident sex toy expert, Erika Moen to go over the possibilities. And...pineapples! What do they REALLY mean? [email protected]     206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for a 10% off your first purchase. This episode is brought to you by the Meridian Trimmer, the very best tool to trim your body hair. Go

  • Savage Lovecast Episode 899

    16/01/2024 Duração: 55min

    A gay man's best friend has such a devastating crush on him, that they can't be friends anymore. The caller begged him to try to get over it. But crushes are crushing. Is there anything this (platonically) jilted caller can do?  Here's the scenario: A straight, divorced woman starting dating a *wonderful* man, and they started seeing each other exclusively. He really is spectacular. But then she received a message on Instagram from a woman claiming to be his other girlfriend, who also thinks she's dating him exclusively. He promised to fly straight, stop the lying and stick with the caller. She notices that he has a Snapchat account that he uses suspiciously. He gets calls from other women all the time. He has kids from a previous marriage, but he hasn't told his children about her. Guess why he got divorced. He was cheating all the time! Here's the heart-breaking punchline to this call: Her question is- how can she learn to get over her paranoia and just trust this guy?  On the Magnum, here's an etiquette qu

  • Savage Lovecast Episode 898

    09/01/2024 Duração: 52min

    Happy Feast of the Ass for all who celebrate! A gay man is fed up with the guys who try to use the gym as their personal hook-up site. When the leering moves into harassment, should he tell management? Or is this just to be expected in gay male spaces?  A recently divorced straight man is hot to trot. He dates casually, but catches feelings so soon, that he scares off the women. How can he learn to take it slow?  On the Magnum, we are delighted to welcome Damona Hoffman back to the show. Listen in as these titans of the dating advice world chitty-chat, spar and dish it up together. Hoffman's new book "F THE FAIRY TALE: Rewrite the Dating Myths and Live Your Own Love Story" is all about the myths we believe about dating, and how to cultivate a more realistic, successful approach to finding people.  And, a gay man hooked up with a much older man (with a giant penis, incidentally.) The man asked the caller if he would be into some BDSM. The caller has never been interested in kink, especially with someone he bar

  • Savage Lovecast Episode 897

    02/01/2024 Duração: 47min

    A German lesbian was propositioned by a younger grad student. (This sounds like a porno but it's not.) The grad student was raised in a conservative environment, and it's the first time she's ever spoken of her female attraction. They only have a month before they both move away. Should the caller get down with the girl or restrain herself? In a very different call, a gay man has applied for a job at the church he used to volunteer for when he was much younger. Why did he quit, you ask? The clergyman he worked under sexually assaulted him, and then spread lies about him when the caller refused to go along with it. The caller doesn't know how to explain this to the church leadership today. And they will ask questions... On the Magnum, the queer podcasting stars align, as Dan brings on McKenzie Goodwin and Rachel Scanlon of "2 Dykes and a Mic." Obviously, they had a lot to talk about. Queer joy. Trans women in lesbian spaces. Pronouns. Getting "hermed." We love these two dykes with all our might, and so will yo

  • Savage Lovecast Episode 896

    26/12/2023 Duração: 49min

    A lesbian has a terrible bullshit detector. She keeps falling for lies and getting conned. How can our credulous heroine protect herself from lying liars?  A man and his ex- girlfriend are utterly estranged. She has cut off all contact from him. But he noticed that she is still using his Netflix password. What's more, he can see what she's watching and when. He doesn't mind letting her mooch off his subscription, but it feels like an invasion of her privacy to see what she's viewing. His question is whether he should also stop paying for her Magnum subscription to the Lovecast for the same reason. And since she's a power Lovecast fan, she will definitely hear this... On the Magnum, Jen Hecht of Building Healthy Online Communities works with dating apps to inspire a more polite, and healthy dating scene. Her org worked with app companies to craft messages urging gay men to get the monkeypox vaccine. She and Dan talk about her work and strategies to be successful on the apps.  And, it's the OTHER WOMAN! A few w

  • Holiday Extra: A City on Mars

    21/12/2023 Duração: 53min

    For this very special Sex & Politics, we invite you to leave your earthly cares behind and explore with us what sex would be space!  It turns out, it will be terrible. Dr. Kelly and Zach Weinersmith, authors of "A City on Mars," are on to talk about the difficult logistics of both recreational and procreational sex on Mars. Learn about a sex test using geckos, the "snuggle tunnel," and, how we must use the "rocket equation" to answer Dan's question: "How far can you shoot a load in space?" Would monogamy or polyamory best suit life on the red planet? YOU WILL FIND OUT.  Although it might seem sexy for Elon Musk to rule mars (to Elon Musk,) Zach warns us that "Space is a giant superfund site that is also trying to kill you with psychics." Not so hot.  This is a very fun convo, so Santa is giving it to Magnum and Micro listeners alike. Happy holidays, friends. 

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